The “PAST” falls into every day that goes by. Letting go means making different choices from the ones regretted whether good or unpleasant. Letting go mostly means accepting the outcome, sometimes deciding what you would do differently, and then choosing to file those thoughts away. They may not disappear, but you can make them less accessible. The point is to not keep reliving it without changing the preferred outcome and releasing it. The release comes from the acceptance that you can write the present to your liking. When the mind accepts what it cannot change, a new beginning takes place. It’s empowering to design your destiny even if it means you hire a chauffeur to take you there. You are still in charge of the destination.

Everyone has regrets if they have lived on planet earth for a day. Changing preferred outcomes can be healing but can only happen with awareness. It is not helpful if someone tells you, “just get over it”. YOUR PAIN and YOUR PAST are very real to you, you are the only one that knows how it feels.  No one else knows exactly how you feel even if they tell you, “I know how you feel”. They’re only trying to empathize or be nice. You have to give them credit for trying. If they experienced something similar, they may have more empathy. The truth remains no one can know exactly how you feel. They can have an idea by what you say and how you decide to tell them.

Relief comes from acknowledging and re-writing a preferred different route without blaming yourself.  For example, if you’re driving somewhere significant like a vacation, meeting up with friends, or visiting family during the holidays amongst others, one would not head back home just because they encountered a road-block or detour. However, I have met people who have canceled their trip due to a detour and grew to greatly regret it. Their fear of whatever may happen kept them from ever experiencing those moments they looked forward to with family that they’ll never get back.

Hopefully you would look at MapQuest or use your navigation device to find another way and keep going. You’ll probably get there later than you thought, but you’ll get there. I’ve found it helpful to chat with a good friend and journal my thoughts to clear my mind. Writing without fear of someone finding your journal is very important in order for you to be honest and transparent about your thoughts. The brain already has the facts straight, now getting them out is almost like giving your thoughts permission to ease up and “let go”, freeing the mind for new adventures.

Ileana Oxley is a psychotherapist and a certified hypnotherapist who enjoys helping clients through their journey in finding hope, direction, healing or recovery. Ileana holds a Master of Science degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Nova Southeastern University and a Bachelor’s degree in Professional Business Studies from Barry University.

Ileana is fluent in English and Spanish.